Not sure whether a hemeoccult card is (trace) positive?
Flip it over and look at the poo side.
Also: How to do a pelvic exam on a flipped-over disposable bedpan!
It is way, way easier than using the goddamned pelvic cart we have in my ER. Wayyyy easier. (A pelvic cart, for the uninitiated, is a rolling table with stirrups that, positioned at the end of a regular ER stretcher, turns it into a pelvic bed... once you fold out the top, and have the woman scootch herself down, and pull the stool out, and get all your whatsits in a row.)
But there's a catch to using the bedpan method: You *have to*, have to, have to, have the lady scoot her butt down so that her vag is *hanging over the edge* of the bedpan, which, incidentally, you should have positioned with the front side front (as if she were going to pee on it, again, but flipped... coronally). Otherwise, you can't fit the speculum handle vertically across her perineum without its banging the bedpan. You dig?
There you go.